Tell me how u really feel

So if u know me u know what's been going on recently in my life and Ive talked about it with certain people but something still isn't sitting right with me so i figured id blog about it to vent all my feelings and frustrations...

LIFE is HARD! i cant recall a time that Ive cried so much over things i cant control before...i was recently told by 2 of my closest friends (they know who they are) that i wasn't being a good friend to them....i swear out of my whole 18 years of life i don't think Ive ever been that hurt..so many ppl kept telling me to let it go its their lost and all these encouraging things to help me figure out the thoughts in my head...

but it hasn't worked...i mean these 2 ppl have affected my life in a way i believe nobody else can..i did things for them that i wouldn't and didn't do for my own family...and i believe they know this...so many guys Ive lost because my friends always came first and so many lies i told just to spend time with them..

so I'm wondering what in the world did i do that would classify me as not being a good friend even after all of that stuff...and u know i still don't know..and i cant say that I'm trying to find out anymore...i learned that ppl usually hold how they feel in until something happens and they get mad then that's when all the truth about how they really feel comes out..

so where I'm at now is like i guess they told me how they really felt and I'm sorry things even had to come to that for them to get that across but as of right now i can no longer put myself in a place where i allow myself to be stressed out over being something that i know i am already