Letting it go && taking some ME time!

Im not sure whats been going on with me lately but I feel so damn unappreciated! like nothing I do has any value anymore or like people dont get me.

Ive never really been a people person and my mama tells me its because Im afraid of getting rejected by people, which is partially true. I might appear to be this girl who has a lot of friends and who loves to be in crowds but Im not. Im the girl with only 3 true friends and who loves to sit in her room with her tv and radio. I never needed all the attention most females need and Ive never really wanted it.

But at times I find myself longing for company. and even though my girls are the best and I wouldnt trade them for the world. Its hard to have a relationship when I spend most of my time with them. But the thing is, Im not ready to give it up. Im not ready to put a dude before them or blow them off because a dude wants to chill with me or something like that. it takes me so long
to open up to people that when i do find someone i can open up to i dont want to let them go, and thats how i feel about my girls.

I tell myself all the time that i want to be in a relationship and that im ready for love but to be honest with you and myself...Im not and idk when i will ever be..all the times ive been in a relationship where love was even mentioned i get suckered by the thought that this other person could actually be someone im with for a while and then something happens and its all over, just like that..the thing is that they let go with no problem where im the one holding on to the possiblility of us getting back together months and years later...I need to let it go...its getting me no where and its only hindering the future i could have with other guys.

So after todays events i have made it clear to myself and my friends that i need so "ME TIME" its nothing theyve done and im not gonna stop talkin to them..i just need to recollect myself...

Its crazy because im sitting here crying because i feel like i have lost myself in this life that used to be mine...but as i look back its not mine anymore idk who it belongs to but i need to get my old self back and the only way to do that is to step back and change all the things that have changed.